Friday, 30 April 2010

#4. Menace from Outer Space - 1956

Just how many pseudo-scientific terms can you fit into a movie? The answer: shit loads!

Returning to space now, we once again find the Earth in trouble. This time from Jupiter's moon, Fornax.

After a second glance through his telescope, Professor Newton realizes that what he's been looking at is not a comet, but a missile heading towards his observatory - what looks to be the Griffith Observatory in Los Angeles.

It's decided that, once the fragments of the missile are collected from the crater, and the material's worth deemed highly beneficial to Earth's economic and technological sectors, a mission to the missiles origin is to be exacted. The source of the missile was discovered by waving a hand over a star chart, demonstrating the trajectory, and backtracking.


You can't send just anyone out into space for this type of mission. You need the Earth equivalent of Zaphod Bebblebrox. Enter Rocky Jones: Space Ranger. Called in to spearhead the mission to Fornax, and find out just why the Earth was being shot at.

Rocky, and his co-pilot Winky, would look more at home as gas station grease monkeys from the 1950's, than spaceship pilots of the future.


As for the ship's interior, it may well have been designed at the same time as a cold war submarine - apart from the exterior which had a more classic 'missile with wings' shape.


With the spaceship ready to launch - by switching on the 'blast-off synchronizer' - the crew were ready to set off. The mission's party consisted of Rocky and Bullwink... I mean, Winky, the professor, a young woman called Vena and a boy called Bobby - he provided many of the "Gee whiz" comments.

Knowing that Fornax was likely to contain the answer to creating cheap affordable energy, interstellar commerce was on the agenda - mainly trading metals to the locals, as all they seem to have was power-rich crystals. Earth wasn't the only planet to cotton on to this piece of fried gold. A planet run by a member of the British Monarchy sends out Griff, an ex-Space Ranger, to beat Rocky to the prize.


The ensuing space battle puts Rocky and the crew of the XV2 in a bit of a pickle. They'd calculated to the drop, how much fuel they'd need to get to Fornax and back. However, the extra flying about avoiding Griff's missile attack, emptied the tank a bit more than they'd have liked.


Luckily, Fornax's atmosphere was breathable - it was likened to a May day in Connecticut by the professor. During the formalities of meeting the elected ruler of Fornax - Zoravac - and various others, an ex-earther, known by the professor wanders out claiming that he was a changed man - Professor Cardos disappeared from academia some time ago under suspicious circumstances. He'd been on Fornax with his own secret and evil agenda.

"Mwwooohaaahaaahaaaaaaa..."

Cardos had tricked the Fornax locals into thinking the Earth was a bad place that would eventually conquer and enslave them, and that a pre-emtive strike was necessary. Hence the missile hitting Earth.

In an attempt to establish relations between the two worlds, Rocky invites Zoravac to Earth for a bit of a look around. Leaving the Professor, Vena and Bobby, they dash back to visit the Secretary of Space - Drake - on Earth. Meanwhile...

Recovered from his earlier defeat, Griff and his goon squad sneak down onto the surface of Fornax while Rocky is playing tour guide on Earth. Holding the locals at gun point, they load up on bags of crystals to take home. With Bobby imprisoned for nosing around a bit too much, it's up to his new girlfriend, Volaca, a Fornax local, to bring Rocky up to date before they return.

Since the arrival of Rocky and his crew and his brief visit to Earth, Zoravac begins to doubt Cardos' ideas about these "evil" Earthlings. Being told by Bobby that we aren't all that bad, basically seals it for him he decides that, yes indeed, Cardos was full of shit.

Enter a strange scene of people fighting which contains a man, as yet unseen in the film and not seen after.

Safely back from Earth, and Cardos' motives revealed, the balance of power shifts and Zoravac gets his planet back.


The film was made up from various episodes of, "Rocky Jones: Space Ranger" that aired for only two seasons. One episode seems to be among the 100 I'm reviewing. Please don't make me watch it again!

Gadgetry: Ooh, so many to choose from! The Astro-phone, Visiograph, the Mechanical Canary made from a Dalek's eye stalk, the orbit jet, the blast-off synchronizer and yes, there's rayguns in it!


Favorite quote/s: Ooh, so many to choose from! The contenders are:

"Go tell the crew the blast-off was super stellar!" - Rocky Jones.

"Well rattle my rocket reflexes."
- Winky's remark as they approach Fornax for the first time.

"Sparkl'n stardust skipper, I never thought we'd make it"
- Winky again moments after touchdown on Fornax.

"Roaring rocket! Lets go out and have a real sniff!"
- Bobby unleashing his enthusiasm for finally being able to see Fornax first hand.

Perhaps the winner should be young Bobby's scientific piece of techno-babble regarding the ship's readiness for the flight home:

"The mass of the rocket itself is, N-point-8. Mass of payload, N-point-5, and mass of necessary fuel load only N-point-2. That gives us a blast-off mass of N-point-15, which balances against the equation of exhaust velocity. And we thus have an ideal mass ratio of 2-point-72-point-1."

This was streamlined by Winky, who summed up Bobby's account with the sentence, "Well sir, eer, I'd say that she's gonna work alright."

Favorite bit: The remarkably short time it takes to get from the Earth and one of Jupiter's moons and the pretty good special effects - for the time. Unlike Jean-Luc Picard, updating the captain's log was done manually with pen and paper.

Bottom line: Although somewhat childish in it's script, it's not so much a 'menace' from outer space, but more of a 'slight annoyance', from outer space. Darting back and forth between the earth and having to deal with a few Earth-haters, was more of an inconvenience to Rocky and his gang than a life threatening nightmare. A great one for the kids though, as I think is it's intent.

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