Getting a job as a dancer for a show in Singapore was really easy in 1962. All you had to do was tell them you could dance, take your dress off, and/or show your legs. Either one of these was criteria enough to get you into the troupe.
The girls now selected, they and Gary the manager, fly to Singapore. With a storm brewing, things may get dicey, but all seems fine for now. Or does it?
A mayday call comes in reporting that the plane was losing altitude somewhere over... damn it.... the operator didn't catch the location.
After four days, search parties had turned up empty handed. They clearly didn't see the girls on a life raft with Gary. Now castaways and water in short supply, things looked grim. Hang on. Land! They paddle like crazy to get their feet onto dry ground. Struggling to shore, the re-dubbed voice acting made it sound like a bath-time porno.
Realizing that he'd not only struck paradise gold, as far as deserted islands go, Gary was there with eight dancing girls showering together under a waterfall. Things were looking up. Even further up, when they discover a cabin in the woods. Relived that they weren't alone, they march up to the cabin and swing the door open to find...
"Arrrgggh! says I..."It is revealed in the diary of the professor - the guy in the web - that not only did he frequently hear a hissing sound on the island, but also had a premonition that he'd meet a sticky end. This is a concern to Gary and Georgia. Georgia is Gary's favorite. They decide not to tell the others.
With the professor buried, the girls and Gary move into the cabin. One of the young ladies suggests that it must have been a gigantic spider that spun the web. Oh, how right she was.
Cabin fever. This time in an actual cabin, and the girls start bickering, and are jealous that Georgia is the pampered favorite.
I had the feeling that this film was going to show a bit of leg every now and then. Girls on a hot deserted island in ragged clothes, leaves the chances of coping an eyeful pretty high. That being the case, a predictable bit of undressing happened. I say predictable, because the scene was lead with the line, "I simply can't stand this frightful heat any longer..."
Gary can't believe his luckWith all the girls sleeping on the front porch in their underpants, Gary decides he needs to walk off his hard-on. Tramping through the trees, he is stalked by a big spider, attacked and bitten:
With these results:
How's he going to get laid now? The next morning and Gary missing, the girls launch a search party. They split up and go looking, unaware that Spider-Gary was also looking.... for victims that is! The first was Linda. Left alone at the cabin to relax by a stream, she gets throttled.
Concerned about their safety, two of the girls start panicking and fighting - on a bed with their dresses hiked up - like the women's round of the WWF. So far, they'd been there for 28 days and things weren't looking good in a, 'Lord of the Flies' kind of way.
The next day, we find two men parking up a small powered boat on the shore of the island. They are there to report to the professor and are complaining about the lack of chicks and whiskey on the journey. Well, are they in for a piece of luck.
While Joe is off looking for the professor, the other - Bob - hears the chirpy giggling of women. He discovers them bathing in the sea in all their nakedness. Separating Gladys from the bathers - unknown and to the distress of the others - he manages a snog.
Meanwhile...
Still searching for Gary, and worried about Gladys' disappearance, the girls find Joe and hold him at gun point. Suspecting him as the killer, all is forgiven when Bob and Gladys return, and they are once again all together.
That evening, unconcerned by Gary's disappearance, and the mysterious death of Professor Green and Linda, the troupe decide to make skimpy island costumes for the benefit of the lads that have just arrived.
It's party time on the island with dancing and drinking. Bobby, like a kid in a candy store, can't decide which girl to go after, so he tries it on with all of them - much to the displeasure of Gladys who, after a few days has decided she loves him. Joe meanwhile, is making his own moves on Ann, a blondie from Minnesota.
So far, the horrors have been minimal haven't they? All sounds like good fun to me, and fuck knows where Spider-Gary is.
Joe decides that Bobby, the ladies man, should keep his smart comments about Ann to himself. They decide to have a drunken punch-up in the cabin.
Ah, it was all for fun. Joe and Bobby have a bit of a laugh at their predicament. Outside, the battle for who gets Bobby is finally resolved by the girls. Gladys is the winner!
Out on the beach, Bobby awaits his next encounter with Gladys.
She makes her way down to the shore to discover Bobby slumped against a tree. Dead. Spider-Gary has returned and chases Gladys over a cliff edge to her own death.
If there's one thing Spider-Gary doesn't like, it's fire.
"Ewwwwww....."Now hunted, he speeds of into the night and is chased into quicksand. That's the end of Spider-Gary and the movie.
Originally called, "It's Hot in Paradise", the film was rated as strictly adult. Three years later and with the nude scenes removed, it was renamed, "Horrors of Spider Island." You can see how that could work.
Gadgetry: Hmmm, none.
Favorite quote: Again, it's multiple choice.
"A dead man... in a huge web!" On discovering the Prof in the web.
"Why, he's a big uranium research man!", the girls discovering who the guy in the web was.
Or Babs - the sluttiest of the lot - who says to Bobby during the dance, "Hello Daddy
I think that's the winner... Daddy-O.
Favorite bit: The stifled voice acting and flimsy excuses for the girls to strip off.
Bottom line: More shower, nude swimming, bra and pants scenes than actual horrors... but that's cool.
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