A prehistoric cave-dwelling giant in need of love squeezins.
Ah, 1960s America. Care-free and Elvis. Part love story with a touch of Stockhom syndrome, this story takes you on a very strange adventure between Roxy - the hornbag starlet - and Tom, the perfect haired, guitar slinging, dune buggy driving, petrol pumping, garage working boyfriend as well as Eegah, the mis-understood neanderthal.
"Check. Me. Out."
Tom and Roxy had planned an evening swim somewhere only a short drive through the desert. Roxy convinces Tom to follow in his car by telling him she has just bought a new swim suit, and better hurry up...
Coooor blimey...
Luckily Tom wasn't too far behind with his tongue flapping out of the window of his car, because, what's that in the road? Bam!
"Look where you're going you crazy bitch!... I mean, Uuuurrrrgghh..."
Recovered and rescued by Tom shortly after, the following day she explains her story to her father and one of his collegues. The collegue finds little truth in the story, and, as much as Roxy's father wants to believe her, has trouble doing so. As for Tom, he swears on his Elvis LP that he believes her outrageous tale. The three of them decide to revisit the scene of the hit-and-run.
It turns out that Roxy's father - Robert - is an explorer/author of sorts and, after seeing the large footprint left in the sand from the night before, is driven to find and document the elusive giant.
"Ah fuck, I've left the lens cap on..."
After being dropped off by helicopter, he is to be again picked up at a specific location at 4pm.
Due to some mechanical helicopter problem, the kids end up having to pick up dad from the canyon in Tom's highly unsafe but highly awesome dune buggy. Cue five minutes of tearing about the place not rescuing your girlfriend's father.
"Wheeeeeeeeeee!!" - I shit you not, loads of dubbed over, "Wheeee!", noises.
It's past 4pm and the old man hasn't appeared. Tom and Roxy bed down for the night - not together you understand, quite seperatley. This is where the second solo musical number happens. Tom whips out his guitar and manages to produce the sound of an entire band, complete with female backup singers, drums and an upright bass from it.
Oh yeah, there was an earlier musical number. It was just before they found out that they had to go and get Roxy's dad. They songs dont really add anything to the story, but you do get to see Roxy in her new swimming costume and splash about in the water.
There's Tom on the left... I said, there's Tom on the left!
Camped out for the night singing about some bird he'd blow all his cash on.
"Gaddammit, you big-handed dickhead!"
Kidnapped. First the old man disappears, now Roxy. But to where? Well, to the weirdest and sometimes awkward part of the whole film.
Chez Eegah.
Roxy is taken back to Eegah's cave. A cosy little den, sparsely decorated in a neolithic minimalism that was quite popular in the 10,000BCs. The modern conveniences of a heavy stone door and natural spring that provides the owner with endless sulphur-laced water from deep within the mountain, is perfectly suited to a professional couple, stone-aged man or anyone looking for starter home.
In the cave, Roxy discovers her father with a broken collarbone. In the short time he has been there, Robert has worked out a number of things regarding their huge-ass captor. His name - Eegah - and that the four husks leaning against the wall are his long-dead relatives. They get introduced to them anyway.
" An' this 'ere is me grandpappy."
There's quite a lot of screen time in the cave, sprinkled with short scenes of Tom searching for them. Most of the time in the cave, your'e thinking, "Jeez, Eegahs not going to try and shag her is he?"
Their plan to escape, or at least, not to be either shagged or clubbed to death, was to keep Eegah distracted... by giving him a shave and a hair cut using the kit that Robert had in his bag.
"I might try out for a Bond villain after this nightmare is over."
Happy with his new look, Eegah shows Roxy his etchings... nudge nudge, wink wink.
"I call this one, 'Mammoth drinking baileys'."
And then,
"Eegah says hump time."
But! Moments before Eegah can get his end away, Tom bounds over the horizon and fights off Eegah. (I said, "fights") Tom, Roxy and Robert make a break for the buggy leaving Eegah solid as a rock.
Claaannng!
Free!In the following days, and back in the safety of Palm Springs, an evening pool-side disco gets under way with Tom and his band providing the entertainment. Roxy discusses with her father about the ordeal they've just been through and all appears to be back to normal... however...
Driven by the lingering scent of Roxy's perfume, Eegah leaves his mountain home and ventures into the town to reclaim his girlfriend.
"Man, these guys have cable!"
He arrives at the pool party, and like the big dumb jerk he is, makes a scene and scares the party folk.
Who in turn, call the police...
"Don't move, I gotta gun, see?"
Who in turn, shoot first and... well, I dont know if they ask questions later, because poor old Eegah takes a dive into the pool with lumps of stinging lead in his guts.
"Ffuuuuccccc...gggurggle...."
Gadgetry: None. Although the dune buggy was rad, and the white Jaguar guitar that Tom plays is a classic piece of pre-CBS Fender history.
Favorite quote: Probably this one:
"Wow-zee-wow-wow Roxy!" - Tom's jaw dropping comment seeing Roxy dressed up at the disco.
Favorite bit: The cars, the dune buggy and when it ended.
Bottom line: Tough to watch. Slow going, but you do sense Roxy's feelings for Eegah and his old-school ways. I was surprised that they killed him at the end. The sound is terrible. It turns out that during the filming, the sound recordist failed to do so. Which is why the whole thing sounds studio dubbed - because it was.
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